A message for midlife parents who are struggling to transition from raising children to supporting adult kids
When your child grows up, you expect things to get easier.
But instead, many of us are left asking a quiet question we didn’t see coming:
“What’s my role now?”
If you’ve ever wrestled with how much to help, when to step back, or how to stop feeling guilty for wanting a life of your own—you’re not alone. And you’re not a bad parent. You’re simply navigating a part of the journey no one warned you about.
Why I Wrote This Book
They’re Grown—Now What? was born out of the countless conversations I’ve had as a therapist—and as a mother. I’ve watched strong, compassionate parents lose themselves trying to hold everything together for their adult children, all while quietly pushing their own needs, dreams, and healing aside.
This book is for the ones who feel torn between love and exhaustion.
It’s for the moms who still get 2 a.m. crisis calls and the dads who feel invisible in the parenting equation.
It’s for anyone who’s asking, “How do I let go, without letting them fall?”
What You’ll Find Inside
This isn’t a book that tells you to “just cut them off” or “toughen up.”
It’s a gentle but honest guide for the in-between—where love meets limits, and where your own identity matters, too.
Inside, we’ll explore:
Setting boundaries with adult children (without guilt) Understanding midlife burnout and how to heal What healthy adult relationships actually look like Coping with estrangement or distance Rediscovering your own life, joy, and voice
Every chapter is grounded in clinical insight and real-life experience—written by someone who’s walked the road, too.
For the Parent Who’s Still Giving Everything
If you’ve ever felt like you’re carrying the invisible load of everyone else’s emotions…
If you’ve been afraid to say, “I’m struggling,” because you’re the one everyone counts on…
If you’ve wondered who you are beyond being “Mom” or “Dad”…
This book is for you.
Ready to Begin?
They’re Grown—Now What? is now available in paperback, hardcover, and eBook formats. Whether you’re reading with a highlighter in hand or keeping it tucked on your nightstand for when things feel heavy, I hope these pages offer insight, relief, and a reminder that you matter too.
By Lori Wesmiller, Mental Health Therapist | Balance & Bloom 50+
Woman in midlife feeling depressed and anxious sitting at her house on the couch
You’ve always felt pretty emotionally steady. But lately? You’re not so sure.
Maybe you’ve started feeling more anxious. Maybe your mood drops for no reason. Maybe you find yourself overreacting—or numbing out completely. And the question starts to creep in: Is something wrong with me?
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and no, you’re not losing it. Mental health shifts in midlife are common, but rarely talked about. And understanding what’s happening beneath the surface can help you find clarity, support, and peace.
Midlife Isn’t Just a Phase—It’s a Psychological Turning Point
Midlife (typically defined as your 40s through 60s) brings enormous physical, emotional, and relational change. Hormones shift. Roles change. Losses accumulate. And the questions get bigger: Who am I now? What matters most?
This period of life naturally stirs up identity, grief, and uncertainty—which can set the stage for mental health challenges that may not have surfaced before.
5 Common Mental Health Conditions That Can Emerge in Midlife
Midlife woman sitting at home having mental health problems
Let’s normalize this. Here are some of the most common mental health conditions that can first show up—or get significantly worse—during midlife:
1. Anxiety Disorders
You might feel jumpy, irritable, overwhelmed, or like your body’s always on high alert. Generalized anxiety, panic attacks, or health-related anxiety can increase during perimenopause due to hormonal fluctuations (especially drops in estrogen and progesterone, which regulate calming neurotransmitters like GABA).
2. Depression
Midlife depression doesn’t always look like sadness. It can show up as numbness, lack of motivation, physical fatigue, or a loss of joy in things you used to love. Hormonal changes, accumulated life stress, and unmet emotional needs all contribute.
3. Obsessive Thinking or OCD Tendencies
Intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors can intensify when estrogen drops and stress rises. It may look like perfectionism, over-checking, or repetitive thoughts that feel hard to shake.
4. PTSD or Trauma Re-emergence
Old wounds you thought were “handled” may resurface—especially if you finally have space to process them. This might happen around anniversaries, losses, or when your environment feels emotionally safer than it did in the past.
5. Substance Misuse or Emotional Numbing
When life feels heavy and overstimulating, numbing behaviors can sneak in—whether that’s wine every night, online shopping, food binges, or scrolling for hours. These aren’t moral failures; they’re coping strategies. But they can turn into deeper issues when left unaddressed.
Why Midlife Makes Us More Vulnerable
There’s a physiological reason this happens. In midlife, your brain is responding to hormonal shifts, disrupted sleep, nervous system dysregulation, and decades of cumulative stress. Add caregiving responsibilities, grief, changing bodies, and evolving relationships—and your emotional capacity gets stretched.
Many women have spent years holding everything together. By the time midlife hits, the emotional backlog needs somewhere to go.
Signs You Might Be Struggling (Even If You’re Still Functioning)
Sad depressed midlife woman at home sitting on the couch, looking down and touching her forehead,
You don’t have to be falling apart to be struggling. Common midlife mental health signs include:
Feeling “off” or unlike yourself
Irritability, impatience, or mood swings
Overwhelm at small tasks
Isolating more than usual
Sleep issues or appetite changes
Teariness or unexpected crying
A deep sense of restlessness or numbness
Questioning your life, marriage, career, or self-worth
If any of these feel familiar, your nervous system may be waving a white flag.
You’re Not Broken—You’re Becoming More Fully You
Midlife can feel like unraveling. But often, it’s actually an unveiling—a shedding of old roles, outdated expectations, and buried emotions. Mental health challenges aren’t a sign you’re weak—they’re a sign something inside you is asking to be seen, heard, and healed.
Therapy, community, self-regulation tools, and even HRT (for those in perimenopause or menopause) can help stabilize your emotional world and reconnect you with yourself.
Final Thoughts: You Don’t Have to “Push Through” This
You’re not too late. You’re not too far gone. And you’re definitely not the only one feeling this way. Whether your mental health challenges are new, returning, or evolving—you deserve support that meets you in this season with compassion and care.
This isn’t about starting over. It’s about starting deeper.
Important Reminder
If your symptoms are interfering with daily life—like trouble sleeping, ongoing panic, thoughts of hopelessness, or feeling emotionally overwhelmed more days than not—it’s time to reach out. Mental health concerns are treatable, and you don’t have to manage them alone. Please speak with a licensed therapist, medical provider, or mental health professional if you need extra support. You are worthy of care.
Need Extra Support? Download These Free Therapist-Backed Guides
Balance & Bloom 50+ 